Author: Lindsay and Igor

Day 249: Journey to Koh Samui

Just as Lindsay was falling asleep the night before she could hear a wicked thunderstorm roll into Koh Tao. When we got up in the morning, the rain was still coming down pretty hard. Oh well! Now that we were done with our scuba course, we could just sit back and enjoy our room on our last day – in fact, Lindsay was secretly glad that the rain would prohibit us from going out and “doing stuff.” As she sipped her breakfast coffee she started perusing the vast list of pre-programed movies on the hotel hard drive to see what cinematic masterpieces we would watch from our king-sized bed.

Just after 8AM, we got a call from Be, one of the hotel managers, with *terrible* news: because of the storm, the 6AM ferry we were planning to take the next morning was cancelled! Since our fight out of Koh Samui was at 10AM, we would have to leave The Place today in order to make it to the airport in time. BOO!!!!!

Instead of lazing around in the lap of luxury, we spent the rest of our morning packing up our bags and trying to salvage the rest of the groceries we had picked up the day before (although Lindsay made a POINT to jump in our pool one last time!). We popped a few seasickness tablets before boarding the Lomprayah high-speed ferry boat (the waves were massive – even we were at risk blowing chunks on these waters). We stayed below deck near the center of the boat where the wasn’t too bad – *we* kept everything down during the journey, although once again we were surrounded by barfing travelers.

After leaving The Place so early, *any* hotel was bound to be a massive disappointment, so we booked the cheapest and closest resort near the ferry terminal. Not a bad place to stay at all, just a disappointing alternative to our original plans.

 

Making a half-dozen PB&J sandwiches and packing up all the leftover food we had bought for the next two days

 

We are so bummed that we have to leave our love nest a day early! We should be swimming naked in our private plunge pool, not sitting in a violently pitching ferry boat next to puking passengers

 

Well, it’s no “The Place,” but the Saboey Resort is a 5min walk from the Bangrak Pier so we quickly find shelter from the storm. Plus, welcome fruit is always nice!

 

A gourmet dinner of sandwiches, chips and chocolate chip cookies to pair with our last bottle of grocery-store wine

Days 247 – 248: Koh Tao

Koh Tao is one of the top diving destinations in Thailand – not just because of the variety of reefs near the island and abundant sea life (apparently whale sharks had been spotted in the area within the last week!), but also because it’s a great place to learn – there are tons of beginner-friendly and advanced challenges to cut your diving teeth on. Back in June, we were disappointed when our lack of advanced certification made us miss out on diving with eagle rays in Indonesia, so we decided to take the opportunity to get our credentials for deep diving before we headed to South America, where hopefully we’ll have a chance to explore the Galapagos!

Koh Tao has a 10-month high season without over 300 days of sunshine per year. Unfortunately for us, Oct/Nov is their rainy season so the water was choppy and visibility was utter crap. But we walked away with our SSI Advanced Adventure (equivalent to PADI AOW), so time well spent. When we weren’t in the water, we were lounging around in our awesome honeymoon suite!

 

We spend the next 2 days completing an SSI Advanced Adventurer course with Roctopus Dive – Snowy, one of the dive-shop dogs – greets us when we show up in the morning

 

After a briefing with our dive master we jump on the boat and head out into the choppy surf

 

Our forth dive site is a wreck: the HTMS Sattakut – a former US Navy ship that was sold to the Thais, and then purposefully sunk after it was decommissioned in 2011. At 30m, this is the deepest dive we’ve been on yet!

 

Sadly, we have pretty poor visibility during our wreck dive

 

Wreck diving in Koh Tao

 

We swim around and search of sealife, but don’t see much today except for a few small fish and some Christmas-tree worms

 

We clock in 30min @ 30m, then ascend to the surface (dutifully making our 3min safety stop at 5m, of course)

 

After our night-dive that evening, we are certified advanced divers!

 

Between our morning dives and our night dive, we have the afternoon free, so we enjoy some homemade tuna salad by the pool (did…did I mention it’s our own private pool?)

Day 246: Journey to Koh Tao

Our journey to the island of Koh Tao, in the Gulf of Thailand, required a taxi to Krabi Town, a 4hr. shuttle to Donsak on the gulf coast, and a 3hr. ferry – needless to say we had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn and spent the whole day travelling. The first leg of the journey quite pleasant – luckily for us only two other girls were travelling from Krabi to Donsak, so our transfer was via minivan rather than a bus. The ferry, however, was a bit of a disaster.

When we first boarded the ferry, we decided to sit up on the top deck – not only would we get a nicer view, but there were fewer people sitting up there. Now, we’ve been on boats before and are well aware that if one is prone to seasickness, the WORST place to be in on the top, where the side-to-side rocking will be the strongest. If one feels queasy, it is best to go to the lower, back deck where the boat is the most stable. Wish the dozen or so passengers puking their guts out all around us knew this little factoid. For the record, neither Lindsay nor Igor threw up on the Seatran.

 

We have to leave the resort in Krabi before the 7:30AM breakfast, so they pack us a to-go bag for our 4hr. shuttle ride from Ao Nang to Donsak

 

Boarding the ferry from Donsak to Koh Tao

 

We have pretty sturdy stomachs, so even though the waves are REALLY choppy we settle into a pair of seats on the top deck of the ferry boat – wish our fellow travelers would stay below if they are going to puke

However, once we docked at the Mae Head Pier in Koh Tao, our day took a turn for the better. Be and Rachael, two of the managers from our hotel, The Place, met us at the dock and escorted us to heaven on earth – seriously, I’m barely exaggerating. The Place is a boutique resort targeting honeymooners (not children under the age of 18 allowed in the rooms – NICE!) – normally way out of our price range, but they had one room available (potentially a last-minute cancellation). We checked TripAdvisor reviews, which recommended booking directly with the hotel rather than a third party like Expedia for last minute deals, so we decided to splurge a little.

Besides, can you really put a price on having YOUR OWN PRIVATE POOL?

 

The Place is our own private oasis – LITERALY! Those are *our* names on the door!

 

Our luxurious accommodations include a desktop computer, a TV pre-programmed with over 1,000 movies, and our own PRIVATE INFINITY POOL

 

Can we live here? This place has more square footage than our midtown apartment…and that BATHROOM – it’s like having the tranquility and atmosphere of an outdoor shower but without the bugs or loss of privacy!

 

Throughout our travels we’ve come to appreciate the small ways in which hotels try to reduce waste – like having refillable soap and shampoo dispensers. It’s a tiny gesture, but it really adds up

 

The Place take the whole “refillable containers” to the next level in the kitchenette – not only does the sink have a water filter to reduce plastic bottle use, but they even provide condiments like ketchup & mayonnaise in cute ceramic jars

 

So part of the reason we chose The Place was because it has a kitchenette and we wanted to both save a little money on meals and just control what we ate – we knew from TripAdvisor reviews that we could expect a welcome basket with some complimentary groceries to get us started (super generous – love it!). What we did *not* expect was a FREE bottle of Prosecco as a welcome gift! Turns out, the manager at The Place did a little snooping online and FOUND OUR BLOG and decided to give us some Prosecco because she read that we “like bubbles!” DO WE EVER!!!

 

Even though we had enough groceries for our first dinner, we decided to take the hotel’s bicycles into town to stock up for the next few days

 

Lindsay in the kitchen, whipping up some veggie pasta (topped with a healthy dose of cheese). We raise a glass to our wonderful hosts at The Place on the first night of our official “second honeymoon”

Day 245: Krabi

We only had one full day in Krabi, so we wanted to make it count! We left the hotel bright and early and got to the boat tour desk in town just before they opened at 8AM. Prices varied depending on how many islands we wanted to hit, and whether we wanted to share a boat or not. (One couple approached us and asked if we would be interested in splitting their 3-island tour for USD$ 30. Since they were planning to spend the majority of the day at the Tub Island sandbar waiting for the 2PM low tide, we decided to pass, but not a bad deal if we just wanted to sit on a beach all day!) We decided, “go big or go home,” so we booked the whopper 9-island all-day tour for USD$ 150, that way we would have no regrets that we missed anything in Krabi.

 

We leave the hotel early, before their 9AM shuttle into town. We were planning to walk the 20min to the beach, but the staff at the resort kindly offered to take us into town for free in their tuk-tuk!

 

In order to make the most of our one day in Krabi, we book an all-day tour to visit 9 islands in the Andaman Sea

 

Exploring the islands around Krabi in a private longboat

 

Our first of nine islands – four other longboats roll up to the beach with us (looks like we are on a standard tour route). Hoping the crowds will thin out the further we go, we hop back in the boat and move on to island #2

 

We beat the other longboats & speed boats to Pakbia Island by about 10min

 

For the short time we have it to ourselves, Pakbia seems like a nice, pretty beach – Lindsay jumps in the water to check out the snorkeling (just more black & yellow striped fish). Once the crowds roll in, we pick up our towels and head out

 

A quick drive-by into one of the island lagoons – some other longboats stopped to snorkel

 

Walking across the floating dock Hong Island Beach

 

Hong Island is a very pretty crescent-shaped white-sand beach, framed by huge limestone cliffs – unfortunately, the water is full of jellyfish, so we can’t swim for very long without getting stung

 

It takes us over an hour to cross the open water between Hong Island & Poda Island – the huge rollers dump buckets of water on us and we are completely drenched by the time we arrive at the beach

 

Playing on the beach on Chicken Island

 

Walking across the sandbar to Tub Island – it’s two hours until low tide, but it’s shallow enough that we can cross without getting our bag or towels wet

 

Tub Island is *packed* with day-tripping tourists – everyone wants to play on the sandbar that connects Tub Island with Chicken Island (which is only accessible during low tide) – really glad we didn’t spend the whole day here!

 

Poor puffer! He died. The Hermit Crab is OK, though.

 

Of all the beaches we visit during our longboat tour, Poda Island was our favorite – not only is it scenic, with clean white-sand beaches and clear, turquoise water, the beach is huge, so if you are willing to walk far enough, you can find a secluded stretch to swim and sunbathe in peace

 

Our final stop of the tour – Krabi’s famous Railay West! We arrive late in the afternoon, just as a light rain starts to come down, so the beach is a lot quieter than we expected. We wander down the Walking Street (full of restaurants, minimarts, ATMs – even barbers and tailors!) and start to make our way across the pennisula to Railay East, but turn around when the rain gets stronger – oh well, the west beach is supposed to be the nicer of the two anyways

Since our hotel is dry, we decided to stay in town and grab dinner before trekking back. We grabbed a beach-facing table at Jeanette’s Restaurant – despite the Western name and lackluster TripAdvisor reviews, decided to go for it as they had a Happy Hour special and a large vegetarian section in their menu. Service was slow, but the food was tasty (our waiter convinced Igor to change his order to a sizzler curry – great recommendation!) and the view was nice!

 

Lindsay savors her dinner cocktail (Happy Hour special on a Cosmo – hey, booze is booze), and Igor is pleased that his sanitized cutlery is protected by plastic wrap

 

Enjoying a cold Thai beer and a beautiful sunset over dinner – a sizzling plate of veggie Indian curry

 

Sunset at Ao Nang Beach

 

Beach goers enjoying the sunset at Ao Nang Beach

 

Once it gets dark, we make our way back to the Ban Sainai – about 20min walk away from the beach. On our way we pass a well-stocked 24-hr supermarket and pick up some supplies (read: wine) for our upcoming trip to Ko Tao the next day

 

Cashing in our free (non-alcoholic) drinks & fruit coupons at the hotel restaurant

Day 244: Ferry to Krabi

There is only one ferry from Phi Phi to Ao Nang Beach per day (at 3:30PM), so we had another lazy morning – sleeping in, pigging out at the breakfast buffet, swimming on the beach – before catching a longboat to the Tonsai Pier. The ferry ride took about 2 ½ hours (including a stop at the jaw-droppingly gorgeous Railay Beach).

 

Leaving Phi Phi from the Tonsai Pier

 

We had beautiful weather for our 2.5hr ferry ride to Ao Nang Beach in Krabi

 

Dramatic karst islands in the Andaman Sea

Drive-by of the Railay Penninsula – home to some of Thailand’s most popular beaches

 

Capturing some postcard-worthy pictures of Thailand’s islands during our ferry ride

 

We reach Ao Nang Beach right around sunset

Our ferry ticket included a transfer to our hotel, the Ban Sainai Resort – a really pretty, quiet hotel a good 15min drive outside the village. A bit inconvenient for dining outside, but when the manager gave us coupons for free drinks (good for *anything* on the menu this time!) and a free fruit platter, we decided to have dinner at the resort for once. As we walked across the grounds it was clear that the place was practically deserted – we wondered why?

When we sat down and looked at the menu, we discovered one feature of the hotel that might be a turn-off for Western guests: it was dry. Turns out Krabi has a large Muslim community and our hotel was close to a mosque (in fact, we could hear the evening call to prayer as we were checking in). Alcohol and pork were not served at the restaurant or pool bar (although we noticed wine glasses and a bottle opener in our room, so they didn’t seem to mind if anything was *brought in*). We were a little disappointed we couldn’t get a beer with dinner, but the food was still good.

 

The staff of the Ban Saiani welcome us with dark blue drinks and refreshing scented towels as we check in to our beautiful room

 

More welcome treats! We get TWO complimentary bags of banana chips – YUM! Perhaps they are hoping guests fill up on chips so they are too full to eat foul-smelling durians

 

Ordering a bruschetta appetizer – we skipped lunch so we are starving!

 

Pineapple fried rice that is almost too pretty to eat

 

The resort is set back from the village and the beach, right next to the towering limestone cliffs. The pool is deserted – since it’s open until 9PM, we jump in and enjoy the gorgeous scenery

Day 243: Maya Beach & Bamboo Island

For our last full day on Phi Phi, we booked a half-day longboat excursion to take us out to the islands surrounding Ko Phi Phi Don. Maya Bay – located on the southern island, Ko Phi Phi Ley – is the most popular day-trip location in the area, so we couldn’t *not* see it (despite our suspicions that it would be an over-populated mess).

Since we had a feeling that Maya Bay wouldn’t live up to the hype, we wanted to make sure that we hit as many of the other islands as possible – Mosquito Island and Bamboo Island, located north of Phi Phi – had decent reputations. While the Holiday Inn only allowed us to book a 5-hour “half day” tour one direction or the other (North or South – not both), we bargained with our driver directly once we were on the water – for an extra 600 bhat (about USD$17), he said he would take us to the northern islands. Good thing too! Maya Bay was a huge disappointment, but Bamboo Island was pretty nice! Sure, the beach probably had same number of tourists (but it was bigger, so they were more spread out), but the snorkeling was *much* better.

 

Chartering a private longboat to explore the islands around Phi Phi

 

It’s overcast today, but at least it’s not raining

The uninhabited Ko Phi Phi Ley

 

We turn the corner around the limestone cliff and enter Maya Bay – even though we left the resort at 7:45AM, we are NOT the first ones to reach the beach

 

If we were expecting Maya Beach to be a secluded island paradise, we were sadly mistaken – even at 8:15AM the place is absolutely overrun with day-tripping tourists

 

Trying to recreate the typical blogger photo of longboats on a pristine beach in Thailand – not working on the overcrowded Maya Bay scene #banspeedos

 

Friendly warnings about Portuguese Man-of-War jellies (*extremely* rare in Thailand, but apparently there is a sighting every 5 years of so) and eco-friendly anime characters (and a random shark?) asking the Chinese & American tourists to please, please not feed the fish or damage the coral

 

Fighting the crowds at the Maya Bay lookout to Loh Samah Bay

 

We jump off the boat in the water at Pileh Lagoon for a snorkel break, where we see a lot more of our friendly striped fishes

 

Taking a detour to Mosquito Island and Bamboo Island on the way back

Mosquito Island in Thailand (just a drive-by)

 

Snorkeling off Bamboo Island was awesome! Of all the beaches we visited in Thailand, Bamboo Island had the best visibility, the most coral, and the biggest variety of fish. Still pales in comparison to diving in Indonesia, but a very satisfying location for snorkel

 

So many friendly fishies!

 

Fan coral, parrot fish, and Moorish Idols – not bad, Bamboo Island!

Days 241 – 242: Ko Phi Phi Don

After two days in Phuket, we decided to ditch the party crowd and head out in search of some remote, quiet islands where we could enjoy the beauty and tranquility of Thailand’s white-sand beaches. We booked a 1.5hr. shuttle van and 2.5hr. ferry to take us to Ko Phi Phi Don – a veritable, motion-picture-worthy paradise (and the film location for the Leonardo DiCaprio film, The Beach). We had a few hours to kill before our pick-up time at noon, so we took one last walk around Patong and jumped into one of the roped off swim areas, while jet skis and speed boats zoomed by. Not a bad beach, just not our cup of tea.

 

Walking down a deserted Bangla Road for a quick morning swim on Patong Beach before we check out of the hotel

 

Sitting below deck on the high speed ferry to Phi Phi, as the top deck is infested with annoying, chain-smoking & tanning hipsters

 

Leaving the huge Phuket Island for the teeny tiny islands of the Andaman Sea

 

While most passengers disembark at the main pier on Tonsai Bay, our hotel is on the remote (& exclusive!) northeast tip of the island so we get tendered to shore in a longboat

Since we were still in improvise mode on our travel plans, we had only pre-booked one night on Phi Phi – a jungle villa at the über lavish Zeavola Resort – since we weren’t sure if the island would live up to the hype. One look at the gorgeous scenery and we decided it was worth at least one more night, maybe two! Unfortunately, the Zealova only had one more room available the next night…a private bungalow with its own pool! At USD$600/night it was WAY out of our price range, so we decided to enjoy our one night in sick luxury and then move down the beach to the more affordable Holiday Inn for the next two nights.

 

Beach paradise – Phi Phi Island

 

Walking into the jungle to our hotel lobby

 

No shoes inside! We douse our feet with some fresh water to wash off the sand before stepping up to our jungle villa – while the bedroom is a closed-off, air-conditioned oasis, the sitting area is out in the open on a lovely teak-wood deck

 

We have both an open-air washroom and an indoor one – both fancy AF

 

Walking down the beach to the cheaper, off-resort dining options

 

Beach-front dinner, cooked in an outdoor kitchen right behind us!

Since we had to switch hotels in the morning the next day, we decided to have a lazy day with no planned activities. We snorkeled just off the hotel beach (the water in front of Zeavola was completely barren, but there was a decent amount of coral and some fish near the Holiday Inn), and took a walk to the nearby village to see if we could find some decently priced booze or boat excursions (nope on both – Phi Phi is just a pricey place). Some wicked thunder clouds rolled in during the afternoon, chasing us inside. Luckily, the storm passed in time for us to walk out of the resort for another dinner on the beach.

 

Enjoying a delicious breakfast buffet at the Zeavola, with the most perfectly fluffy omelet EVER

 

Soaking up every bit of luxury we can before our noon check-out – Lindsay jumps into Zealova’s beautiful pool and has a glorious swim all to herself

 

Moving from the pool to the beach for some snorkling

 

The water is a bit cloudy, and we see zero fish on this part of the beach

 

After we check out of the Zeavola, we have a few hours to kill before our room at the Holiday Inn is ready, so we take a walk along the “road” (no car-traffic on this part of Phi Phi – only motorbikes) into the village

 

We pass a dollhouse-sized “spirit house” sitting in front of some beachfront homes as we make our way into town

 

The sleepy village is practically deserted in the middle of the day. We find several minimarts that sell USD$7 “fruit wine”, but the island upcharge isn’t worth it for shitty booze so we decide to pass

 

Even though some nasty clouds are rolling in when we get back to the hotel, we jump into the water for one more snorkel

 

There’s a lot more sea life just a few hundred meters down the beach! The black-stripped fish were super friendly and kept swimming up to us (people must feed them), but the pale yellow fish were MEAN – they might have been nesting, as they got very aggressive when we swam near the coral they were guarding and even nipped our legs!

 

Keepin’ our vegetarian streak going strong in Thailand

Days 239 – 240: Phuket

For the past several months, we’ve been travelling in some pretty cold countries: Tibet, Nepal, and even Northern India got pretty chilly. We’ve been looking forward to some beach time for a while now, so we were super excited to be heading down to the islands of southern Thailand! We had an early afternoon flight down to Phuket, so our first day was just a travel day. But we had our first experience flying Thai Airways – like everything else in this country it was friendly (their corporate tagline is “Smile” – how appropriate!), hospitable (another lunch? Don’t mind if we do!), clean (their lunch bags were eco-friendly – printed on recycled paper with soy-based ink), and just a tad pricy (we could have saved a few dollars on Air Asia, but you get what you pay for).

 

Chillin’ like a pair of villins in the (DMK) Bangkok Airport Executive Lounge

 

A meal on a short flight? It’s like we’re flying in the mid-90s! What a delightful airline

 

Perfectly adjustable headrest for a mid-flight nap (if only I had a perfectly adjustable husband who would stop taking shit pictures of me when I’m asleep!) –and I love the peppy attitude on the barf bag!

 

As we descend through the clouds, we see our first glimpse of the karst islands of the Andaman Sea! Too bad the magic is dispelled a bit by the mayhem we encounter when we try to catch a taxi at the Phuket Airport

Unfortunately, the Phuket Airport was undergoing some renovations, which created a complete clusterf*ck for metered taxis trying to pick up passengers. Basically, the taxis couldn’t drive in to pick people up, so individual drivers were walking up one at a time to try and collect people waiting in line. We were #7 in the que, but when #4, #5, and #6 weren’t attentive enough to raise their hands when called, we grabbed their taxi and escaped as quickly as possible.

We had a good 1.5hr drive down the island of Phuket to reach Patong Beach, with a taxi driven by a husband-wife team! They were an adorable little old couple – it was like being chauffeured around by someone’s grandparents. When they found out we were going to Patong, they started to warn us about the infamous “ladyboy strippers” (males who dress in drag) – they absolutely CRACKED UP telling us a story about a male tourist who got “surprised” by what was “down there” in his new girlfriend’s pants! We just smiled as they laughed and laughed and laughed – apparently the idea of homosexuality was still just a very hilarious concept for them.

We arrived in Patong just after dark, so we checked in to our hotel and then wandered out in the streets in search of dinner. As we passed through the Bangla Road walking street toward the beach, we were constantly harassed by promoters trying to get us to visit their “sexy ping pong” shows. Lindsay was skeeved-out, but Igor was…intrigued. He let Lindsay drag him away from the thumping house music and neon lights…for now.

 

After we check in to our hotel room, we head down to the bar to cash in our “Free Welcome Drink” coupons. Lindsay sees a table tent advertising a BANFI WINE by the glass special and gets really excited for a Centine aperitif, only to find out that our coupons are only valid for a bright-green, non-alcoholic sugary drink. Lindsay takes a tentative sip, wrinkles her nose in disgust, and leaves the vomit-colored cocktail on the table.

 

Lots of fresh seafood by the beach – I mean REALLY fresh! – those poor lobsters were still wiggling their antennae L

 

We pick an al fresco spot (with live music!) and order some vegetarian fare – Igor discovers a new favorite Thai dish: pineapple fried rice!

For our full day in Phuket, we had booked an all-day kayak excursion with Sea Canoe. We got picked up in Patong around 8AM and drove a good 1.5hr across the island to the Ao Por Pier, on Phang Nga Bay. This bay is particularly famous for the karst islands that emerge from the warm, turquoise waters. Many of the islands have sea caves and hidden lagoons that are only accessible during low tide – our tour allowed us to explore two of these caves, plus a little extra time for pleasure paddling and swimming.

 

Day-tripping in Phang Nga Bay

 

Once we get past the marina traffic jam, the serenity of the bay descends on us as we venture out toward the towering limestone islands

A beautiful day on Phang Nga Bay

  

We booked a guided, self-paddle kayak tour with Sea Canoe – including a delicious, seafood lunch buffet

 

Paddling out to a craggy, limestone island

 

As other kayakers start to disappear into the island’s sea cave, we click on our headlamp and follow them into the dark

 

Kayaking through sea caves in Thailand

 

Many of the karst islands have collasped interiors, so the caves lead us into hidden lagoons, surrounded by towering walls of limestone

 

Fauna of Phuket – Crab-Eating Macaques, a sleeping tree snake, and yellow-tailed Tripod Fish

 

Once we exit the sea caves, we paddle under some craggy stalactites to reach or boat

 

Jumping into the crystal-clear water for a refreshing swim

 

We are having a great time in this beautiful, tropical paradise – we are surrounded by honeymooning couples, who assume we are newlyweds as well (as if – 6 YEARS, BABY!)

After we returned to Patong from our kayak trip, we left the hotel and had a satisfying (if forgettable) Thanksgiving dinner at a cheap Thai restaurant, and then made our way back to the depravity-ridden collection of strip clubs on Bangla Road. Igor had done his homework on the dangers, scams and curiosities of the “sexy ping pong” show and was eager to see it for himself. For the record, THIS WAS ALL HIS IDEA. But, OK, Lindsay was a little curious, too.

 

Spending Thanksgiving on the sleazy, nightclub strip of Patong Beach

We walked a loop around the go-go clubs, trying to find one that looked…not sketchy (failed). Igor read that you shouldn’t let a promoter take you to a club because then you have to pay more to cover their commission. Unfortunately, after 15min of having huge black dildos wacked on signs in front of us (for the “ass-smacking” shows), and being followed by evening gown-clad blondes (for the Russian cabarets), we finally let a girl escort us to a strip joint where she promised a ping pong show was about to start. WARNING – the rest of this post is going to get graphic.

 

This place feels like Cancun on Spring Break…expect with LOTS of old white guys hitting on barely-legal Thai girls

 

Sexy strip shows, X-rated ping-pong, and sequin-covered ladyboys – we have so much to be thankful for…

The club was a tiny bar, with a row of seats and small tables along the left wall facing a small stage with four stripper poles along the right wall (photos were OBIVIOUSLY not allowed). Even though there were plenty of open “front-row” seats bordering the stage, Lindsay insisted on sitting as far away from the “action” as possible. There was no cover charge for the club – we just had to buy at least one ridiculously over-priced drink (each) per hour that we stayed. Igor got a USD$15 beer and Lindsay got a USD$15 can of Sprite (!!!).

The first 15min of the show was pretty boring – each of the four stripper poles had one girl dancing topless. Sure they were fit, and wearing sexy, lacy black panties…but none of them seemed that *into it*. It was as if the girls knew how hot they were and didn’t think they needed to try very hard to get tips. They didn’t even really “strip” on stage – they walked up, immediately pulled off their top, grabbed the pole, and started lazily swaying back and forth to the music. Lindsay was just starting to ask Igor if they could leave, when the four strippers got off stage and a short, stocky woman in her late-30s/early-40s got up and started loudly blowing a party horn, getting everyone’s attention.

She then turned around, bent over, shoved the party horn up her who-ha, and…HONK HONK! Yup – she was queefing into the party horn. She also queefed into some cigarettes (and then gave the cigarettes to some of the gentlemen sitting in the front row to smoke – ew), and queefed into a straw to blow out candles. OH, BUT IT GETS BETTER. I haven’t even gotten to the ping pongs yet! I’m sure you can all guess where she put the little white balls: up her va-gay-gay. She then popped them out, and when they bounced on the stage, she smacked them into the audience with a paddle (so glad we weren’t in the front row).

The “cream of the crop” was when she was tag-teamed by another squat, 40-somehing y/o woman, who waddled out on stage in a tight-fitting teddy – she walked to the middle of the floor, took a nice wide stance, bore down slightly, and pulled something small and dark out of her vagina. It was a mouse. WOMEN TOOK A FUCKING LIVE MOUSE OUT OF HER LADYPARTS. Just to prove it was a live mouse, she then put it on the tables next to the stage and let it run around the drinks of the guys sitting in the front. Not to upstaged, the first queefer got back in front of the audience and quickly pulled a live frog out of her cooter. Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

 

Tonight, we met the real live Lemmiwinks and Frog Prince – see the South Park Season 6 Episode “Death Camp of Tolerance” for context J

Day 238: Bangkok – Part II

We checked the weather forecast for today and saw there was a good chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon, so we decided to head out into the city bright and early so we could visit Bangkok’s famous temples in the sunshine. We caught a taxi to the Phra Nakon district where we could visit the Wat Pho temple and the Grand Palace before taking a boat across the river to the Wat Arun temple.

We arrived at Wat Pho just before the 8AM opening time, which was good as we realized there was a dress code and, as Igor was wearing shorts and Lindsay was wearing a sundress, neither of us were appropriately dressed! Luckily, a few souvenir shops were just starting to open and we each picked up a pair of hippie pants and a t-shirt so that we could respectfully enter the religious buildings. (Although FYI for anyone visiting in the future, many temples – including Wat Pho – do offer loaner robes, shirts and pants. Some for free, some for a charge.)

 

While Thais seem to be laxer in allowing tourists to take photos in Buddhist temples, they are more uptight about dress codes – Lindsay had to buy a pair of hippie pants and a sleeved t-shirt to cover up her tank-top sundress

Our first stop was Wat Pho: a 16th century Buddhist temple complex that is famous for its large collection of Buddha statues – including an enormous reclining Buddha – and for being the birthplace of traditional Thai massage (a massage school still operates on the premises). Walking around, we were struck by the *huge* stylistic differences between Tibetan Buddhist temples and Thai Buddhist Temples. Our main takeaway is that the Thais really like their bling! (Practically everything is covered in either gold leaf or shiny glass tiles.) Also, the Thai temples are *immaculately* clean (not that Tibetan/Nepalese ones were dirty, per say, but you could practically eat off the floor in Thailand)!

 

While Thailand is a Buddhist nation, their architecture is nothing like the temples and stumpas we’ve seen in Tibet and Nepal! The Thai stupas (or “chedi” as they are called here) are much more pointy, and every square inch is colorfully decorated with either shiny tiles of Chinese porcelain or glass

  

Some very distinctive elements in Thai architecture are the wing-like finials decorating the edges of the roof and the beak-like projections placed in the peak

 

Wat Pho has the largest collection of Buddha images in Thailand – thousands of gold-leaf covered statues fill the cloisters and assembly halls

 

The highlight of the Wat Pho complex is the 150′ long Reclining Buddha

After exploring Wat Pho, we walked a few blocks north to the royal Grand Palace complex, only to discover huge crowds of black-wearing Thais entering the gate en masse. We were a bit confused – was there a special event going on today? It was 10AM on a Tuesday, so we didn’t expect it to be *this* busy. A security guard noticed us looking a bit lost and pointed toward the line of people saying, “You can go in!” We asked him why there were so many people and he told us, “The people want to say goodbye to the King.”

Ah, that’s right! We had read in the news that the king of Thailand had passed away about a month ago. The 88 yo king – who after 70 years on the throne was the longest reigning head of state in the world by the time of his death – was greatly beloved by the Thai people. As we travelled around the city, we noticed memorial portraits and billboards everywhere (on the highway, in the mall, on storefronts, in hotel lobbies, etc.), and in addition to wearing black, many Thais also wore black ribbons or black ribbon pins (which were conveniently for sale in all souvenir shops).

While the Grand Palace was still open to tourists, we decided not to go in. Somehow it just didn’t seem right, like we would be gate-crashing a funeral for someone we didn’t know. Instead, we continued along to the riverbank where we had planned to jump on the ferry and cross over to Wat Arun, another famous Bangkok temple. Now that we had extra time in our schedule, we decided to book a longer boat tour and cover more ground via water. For about USD$40, we got a 2hr private longboat tour that took us through the Thonburi Khlong (Bangkok canals), terminating at Wat Aun (where we wanted to go anyways).

 

Thailand has just begun an official year-long mourning period for the death of King Bhumibol Adulyadej, whose body will remain on display in the Grand palace until next October so that subjects may visit and pay their respects before he is cremated.

 

Since it was still pretty early in the morning, we decided to hire a private longboat for a 2hr tour along the Thonburi Khlong to see more Bangkok sights via water

 

Colorful longboats ferry tourist along the Bangkok canals

 

Bangkok was formerly known as “the Venice of the East” due to its huge canal system. While many of the waterways have been filled and replaced with streets, there are still several pretty khlongs left

 

Our boat driver buys us a loaf of bread for 20 Bhat so we can feed the huge catfish in the water (an act that many Thais believe will bring good luck / karma!)

 

Waiting about 20min to pass through one of the locks along the canal

 

Lindsay is starting to burn up in the mid-day sunshine, so she hides under our boat-driver’s umbrella until we finally break out of the locks and onto the main Chao Phraya River

 

Wat Arun – the “Temple of Dawn” is stylistically very different from Wat Pho. Built in the Khmer style (the ancient kingdom of Cambodia), Wat Arun is famous for the porcelain mosaic decorations that cover the 82m-tall central shrine (which unfortunately for us was still under construction)

 

Wat Arun is has much less “bling” than Wat Pho – only a handful of Buddha statues and a figure of a kneeling monk decorate the grounds

 

Igor wakes up a napping Siamese cat who was hiding behind a funky potted plant

It was just after noon when we started to make our way back to the hotel – the sun was blazingly hot (guess it wasn’t going to rain after all…) and walking an hour back to the Oriental Residence wasn’t an appealing option. However, the streets in the Phra Nakon district had gotten incredibly congested by this time (the sidewalks were overflowing with mourners visiting the Grand Palace, and pop-up food stalls that were dishing out lunch to hungry visitors). Our taxi ride that morning had only cost 150 Bhat, but the increased afternoon traffic caused a spike in fares and all of a sudden we were getting quotes for 500 Bhat! (For some reason, everyone’s meter had “stopped working”.) Unfortunately, in the middle of our haggling, a random bee flew up to Igor and stung his hand! (ASSHOLE! What did he do you to?!?!) We finally got a guy to accept 300 Bhat (about USD $9), hoping for a quick escape. Instead, the guy drove us in a circle, crossing the river twice because “roads were closed,” and stopping at a gas station for a toilet break – whatever, we had already agreed on a price, so it’s not like the meter was running.

We stayed in the hotel until later that evening when we had to run a quick errand to the tailor for a fitting for Igor’s new suits (looking good!). Since we were already out, Igor suggested that we head over to the Soi Cowboy – Bangkok’s red-light district. Lindsay was feeling sorry for the poor boy, as he was still hurt from his bee sting, so she agreed. It actually wasn’t as seedy as we were expecting. Is was also *small* – barely one street block, packed with several dozen neon-lit go-go bars. We were really early (it was only around 6PM), so maybe the unsavory characters hadn’t come out yet? (Although there were A LOT of 60+ yo white guys with scantily-clad 20-something Thai girls – GROSS!) We didn’t go into any of the bars…this time. But we are coming back to Bangkok in a few weeks before we fly to South America…so…

 

Walking through Bangkok’s famous red-light district, the Soi Cowboy

Days 236 – 237: Bangkok – Part I

We left our hotel in Agra before the sunrise, as Delhi traffic could be very unpredictable. Avinash got us to the airport a good 5 hours before our flight to Thailand, but it’s better to be safe than sorry! We used the extra time to pig out at the executive lounge, so time well spent.

 

Passport & ticket to Thailand in hand, we head over to the executive lounge in the Delhi Airport. We arrive just as the breakfast buffet is ending so we load up on breakfast and then immediately move on lunch – hey! – travel makes us HUNGRY

Boozing it up on our Air India international flight

Since there was an hour and a half time zone change between Delhi and Bangkok, our travel day was really short. It was already 7:30PM by the time we landed, so we didn’t have any sightseeing booked for the day.

Now, we’ve been around the world…and we don’t speak their language…but Thai immigration don’t need explaining! Of all the countries we’ve been to so far, Thailand was #1 in being foreigner-friendly. Immigration was a *breeze* (no visa needed for US citizens!), and there are tons of ATMs and SIM card vendors in the Arrivals terminal next to baggage claim (no more following a shifty local to an out-of-airport ATM and demanding a tip, like in Kenya). We had anticipated getting hassled by unmarked taxis once we got out of the airport, but it seems that the BKK airport has cracked down on the shadiness. As soon as we stepped out of baggage claim, we took a numbered ticket for a metered taxi, got line and were quickly assigned to an air-conditioned sedan – even JFK could not have been smoother! The drive took about 45min on a clean and modern highway, and only cost about 300 bhat (about USD $10).

 

Our fancy & spacious suite at the Oriental Residence in Bangkok

Our arrival in Thailand marked a stylistic shift in our journey. Up to India, we had been following a very detailed itinerary, with all flights, hotels and activities pre-booked by Igor (and sometimes by Lindsay) back in February/March, but now we were flying by the seats of our pants! We pre-booked 2 nights in Bangkok, and then decided to extend our stay an extra day as our hotel was AWESOME and…well, why not? We don’t have anywhere we *need* to be yet!

Since we had 2 full days in Bangkok, we decided to find a tailor and order some custom-made suits for Igor. Some of his work buddies have tailored suits from Hong Kong. Yeah, we don’t roll like that. Unlike Hong Kong, Bangkok is CHEAP. However, as long as you steer clear of the “2 suits, 2 shirts only USD$99” deal (trust me, you’ll get what you pay for), you can get an amazing wardrobe for a fraction of the price tag you’d pay in the States. We looked up a few tailors in our neighborhood (our hotel was in the embassy district, so a LOT of suit outfits nearby) and settled on Nickermann’s – a well-reviewed place in the basement of a mall. Igor got measured for 3 suits (two wool blends and one 100% Italian wool) and five non-iron dress shirts, all of which he got to pick out the fabric and lining. Try to guess the cost. J

 

Chowing down on some fresh baked pastries at the mall while we wait for the tailor to open shop – and yes, those are Christmas decorations in the background!

 

Igor getting fitted for some custom-tailored suits. His ponytail is really coming in nicely – with his flashy new suits he’s business in the front and party in the back!

We spent the rest of the day in Bangkok doing some more shopping. Now that Igor had some nice clothes in the works, it was Lindsay’s turn! We had just started making our plans for the holidays and now knew that we would be on a cruise ship next month, which would have a few formal nights, so Lindsay needed a dress (although if it were up to Igor, she would just wear her beach wrap to dinner – sigh, men just don’t *get it*). A custom-made dress was tempting, but unrealistic as Lindsay had dropped a dress size in the last year and would gain weight once we returned to our old habits in New York, so we looked for something that could easily be thrown out after the trip.

After a few department store visits didn’t yield any gems, we were about to give up when we decided to head to the Platinum Fashion Mall – a 5 story bazaar that Lonely Planet describes as full of “no-name couture.” It was an absolute zoo filled with a lot of tacky crap…but just when we were about leave Lindsay spotted a passable selection of floor-length black gowns that were (thankfully) devoid of sequins. The store manager refused to let her try anything on, but looked her up and down assured her that the Small size would fit. Whatever, the dress was only USD$20, surely it would work for a cruise. Satisfied, we were on our way out when all of a sudden Lindsay saw it – the PERFECT little black dress! “Why didn’t I see this one before?!?” she wailed. Then she looked at the price: USD $10. Long story short, Lindsay now has TWO dresses for the holidays! J

Next errand – and most important! – was groceries. After months of eating out, we *finally* had a kitchen for a few days and we were so excited to be in charge of our own menu for a change! Igor had been craving our old favorite – quesadillas. Tortillas and cheddar cheese are not easy to find in Southeast Asia, but Bangkok did not disappoint – we found a gourmet grocery store (on the 7^th floor of a mall, for some reason…?) which had a huge international foods section. I know Bangkok has a thriving restaurant scene, and I should feel guilty about missing out on it…but I don’t. #sorrynotsorry

 

While picking up groceries for dinner, we stop in a bottle shop for some bubbles. After a few minutes of looking around, Lindsay is super excited when she finds a bottle of Casillero del Diablo Sparkling – she’s only ever had this in Chile! She gleefully runs up to the register to buy it, but the cashier stops halfway through the purchase and tells Lindsay she can’t buy it. Apparently there is a ban on alcohol sales between the hours of 2PM – 5PM, and we just happened to walk into the store at 1:59PM! I think you can all guess what happened next…Lindsay made Igor come back exactly 3 hours later J

 

Lindsay is SO EXCITED to have a kitchen again!

 

It has been over HALF A YEAR since we’ve eaten Lindsay’s homemade quesadillas (she checked the blog – last time was in April in New Zealand) – Igor was in HEAVEN